Then you might see how frivolous you’re being as well. Talk to your partner about establishing equal roles in the budgeting and financial planning process in this case. Maybe she doesn’t know how to manage money well, but still I think this guy is very self serving. You’re right. We earn money as a household and spend it as a household. I have been blessed with a husband who values what I do. Please teach them how to be good financial role models for their kids or else the cycle of being irresponsible will just continue. St. Pete…are you up for the challenge??? I have a very similar situation, I make 140K per year and my wife spends WAY too much money. NOT!! This topic has 68 replies, 32 voices, and was last updated 7 years ago by the-art-of-moi. I’m sure she bought mundane items such as TP, paper towels, cleaning products, etc. Home › Forums › Decaffeinated Coffee › How much do you give your wife per week for the family budget? on those trip which were hardly a waste of money. You can’t afford a $40k car if you can’t pay cash for it. My buddy thinks that I should put her on an allowance system. Marriage allowance is a tax perk available to couples who are married or in a civil partnership, where one low earner can transfer £1,250 of their personal allowance to their partner.. I, for one, would be unlikely to receive a spouse allowance because my wife … My wife used to spend almost $400/mo on fast food and eating out before we looked at it. Hope there’s an update. I do the bookkeeping, but all strategic decisions about where we spend money are made together. I’m guessing she’s resentful of the control he’s trying to lord over her. I say little, because we don’t spend that much over what we can pay off…. I don’t really believe in equality. Hahaha. Rather than play psychiatrist, I believe you should just stick to the financial facts that you know — $120K income, $85K student loan debt, $30K credit cards, and $40K on a Benz… I’d start with selling the Benz yesterday rather than telling him he’s going to ruin his kids lives. THATS HER SALARY. That being said, if you can pamper your spouse, I’m sure they’ll be grateful for it! I’m sorry, but I really don’t see how a few trips to Target could be the biggest contributor to $30,000 in credit card debt. She shops at Target. Otherwise be a guy who knows a little about financial planning and a lot about getting attention via social media, and send people to professionals who knows how to actually solve people’s problems. Get rid of the fancy car, drop the golf (it’s not a cheap sport). I think it’s perfectly acceptable for couples to allocate personal expenditure funds. I have never been married, nor do I have children. These line items in the budget are COMPLETELY separate from the costs of running the household. All they will ever know is dysfunction if you don’t get help. They should have a monthly budget that they stick to and work off on paying off those goals. How much allowance should I give my wife? If this guy chooses to divorce his wife, yeah she may get some alimony and/or child support but she is screwed. Is this guy lost in time? Jeff needs a hug and a shoulder to cry on. How Much Allowance Should Your Child Receive? If it's simply extra spending money, then the allowance does not need to be very much, particularly for a younger child. We would have NEVER even THOUGHT about driving a Mercedes! They don’t tell me ways to be more of an a-hole. What If My Spouse Wants to Give Me a Spending Allowance? But what helped… Talking about it calmly. I completely agree with the author, It’s an awesome piece of writing for all the web viewers, Your email address will not be published. You said you take emails, so I thought I’d give it a shot. I shouldn’t have to tell him that he can’t afford to play golf on the weekends. Oh wait! My wife spends too much money. I read somewhere about transferring a wife’s unused personal tax allowances to her husband. He’s on the right track asking for your budgeting advice. behaviors like overspending and literally running away from confrontation arent going to be changed with a blog. I’m the only one that works. Some spouses might agree on an allowance or a set amount of spending money that's meant to last for a certain period of time, and it can be a workable way to combine your finances and budget...if you both agree wholeheartedly. It's important to some couples to have a bit of cash that they can each spend on fun things without being accountable for it. After everything we have about $1,000 per month left over. So what I was thinking was just giving her cash twice a month. Where to begin with this one? Seriously? Great post, Pete! I shouldn’t have to tell this guy that he can’t afford a $40k car. She is also a freelance writer and business consultant. Best email I’ve ever read!! She stays at home with our two kids. When my husband was alive and we were both working, we earned a combined total income of over $125k year and had less than $6k in credit card debt. I think Jeff’s *household* has some serious issues — issues that can be resolved and a marriage that can be saved by budgeting. Dont’ go and eat out, it is very expensive. Not marriage counseling or psychology. So what if the Jones’ have a Mercedes, they can afford it because they paid off their student loans. Southern SAHM, http://www.payscale.com/research/US/Job=Babysitter/Hourly_Rate, Where did you get 138k a year for baby sittung lol. So how much do you guys provide? As someone who is on an ‘allowance’ (nothing to do with tasks accomplished, simply a matter of equalization/bill paying)…I think you were dead on, Pete, in that the serious trouble isn’t in the numbers, it’s in the attitude…hate it when my kid’s pesky medicine cuts into my imported sedan budget…, Bob, thanks for taking the time to comment. Sell the car, pay down the credit card debt immediately, and get to work chipping away at the student loans. Sounds like this couple needs a budget workshop. Hope this helps him, and those out there, that may need a new idea on curbing your spending. So she sends me an “allowance” to my paypal pre-paid credit card, and then proceeds to take care of paying the bills, tithing, buying food, and what not. As a partial stay at home mom, I would have HUGE issues with an ‘allowance’ while he has debt for his car!!!! Whatever your decision, your child's sex shouldn't have anything to do with the dollar amount of the allowance. Working as a team can help prevent money from ruining your marriage. What you’re talking about is an imbalance of happiness. I’m afraid that I’m fresh out of candy-coating today. You get to choose to work outside of the home, and it’s OK to let others choose what to do with their life. What you will find is that you are lucky that you currently aren’t divorced. well-written. I’d like to clarify a few points. Recently she has got more demanding and says she needs more. I shouldn’t have to tell this guy that being mad about missing a guy’s weekend due to maxed out credit cards is bad. You Can Sometimes Claim Your Partner as Your Dependent, What Every Parent Should Teach Their Teen About Budgeting. How Much Allowance to Give Your Child. If a monthly allowance is one of the ways he chooses to appreciate his woman's presence in her life, then, no one should give such guy grief for that. Any other financial advice would be purely speculative. My job IS to refer people to marriage counseling if they need it. He’s got a very self-centered focus that does not bode well. It's possible that you might be in this situation because you chose not to take an active role in your finances at the beginning of your relationship. Peggy James is a CPA with 8 years of experience in corporate accounting and finance who currently works at a private university, and prior to her accounting career, she spent 18 years in newspaper advertising. Yeah Pete. Question: My husband and I set the allowance for our eldest child, now in 2nd year high school. $20 bucks seems to be the going rate for yard work! Wow… he actually wrote that. And the credit card debt? I so agree with the 1st response that Pete left. You know I call it as I see it!!!! Contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline if you're experiencing any of these warning signs—including your spouse putting you on an allowance—or if the financial abuse escalates to verbal or physical abuse. They can go out, get a job, and work like everyone else. Reminds me of a time a few years ago when my husband was suffering from some very serious medical problems and we were financially preparing for the scenario that something might happen to him, and I, as a stay at home mom, would need to support our family alone. Greg Magnusson - Indianapolis Veterinarian. If the income is $30,000 per year, there is not an awful lot to go around. The same with the home internet, you can reduce to save it. They don’t have a clue. I find it apalling that adult women expect men to pay their bills. I try to get together as a family and make a solid budget but she wont respect it. I’m thinking about doing it. Unfortunately, $120K per year is not a large amount, especially considering the huge amount of debt this couple has. Mark, I agree with your solution completely. It worked perfectly well back in the 50s and 60s… You know, when Men and Women BOTH had their place in a MARRIAGE?? This post has caused quite the uproar. You care more about guy’s weekend than your kid’s medication. I would of been more concerned if he said she was going to the mall twice a week rather than Target. It sounds crazy, but I really think it could work. Other families give their children an allowance that is earned through household chores and responsibilities – which is generally considered a “commission”. Learn How to Stop. I make really good money. If I Marry Someone With Debt Does It Become Mine? I heard a grip about the kids meds and piano lessons, but not owing up to him paying for 5 hours of golf. Many experts recommend that a child receive a weekly allowance in the amount of $1 per each year of their age. I will gladly admit when I am wrong. Worst case scenario: your kids are taken because you failed to give needed medications, no food would be in the house because you were spending your money on a car you couldn’t afford and wouldn’t have the time to shop because you’d be golfing! However, if I did have children I would make sure that I would be ok as well as my children. The advice you should have given is: 1) Put your wife on a budget, if she doesn’t like it she can get a goddamn JOB, 2) put yourself on a budget while you’re at it. But sometimes one partner might use the allowance as a way to manipulate or control the other with money. That includes personal entertainment, clothing for yourself, eating out by yourself, sports, etc. More often than not, we see the breadwinner simply paying for the household needs and that should be enough. He deserves the golfing with the buddies. She makes no money, but wants to spend all of my salary on clothes, and random stuff for the kids. All these things play a factor in life. Please change. Or save it up for something bigger. Not for her to be treated like an employee of his. how much "allowance" should i give my husband? Tired of Fighting About Finances? You’re focusing on all the wrong things b/c you have an issue. I once even had a Nigerian prince offer to share his family fortune with me. And I don’t know how much they spend per month on their mortgage. Whereas as my financial (numbers) advice is good, my ability to get people to think about money differently is where I’m able to set myself apart. If he were to do this, the savings should then be used to pay down his credit card debt. It’s not to have a contest to see who’s the biggest martyr. If I was doing the buying at our house, we wouldn’t be in the position we are in now. You want equal rights, make equal money. Personally if I were going to go on a spending spree, it wouldn’t be at a Target. I wouldn’t golf the rest of my life to pay for my kid’s medication. Just one month after school started, our daughter is complaining that her allowance is ""too small"". I know that you feel my response was unprofessional, but in my opinion it was very professional. Excellent post. Pete, You and your spouse might agree to give each other a spending allowance, which is sometimes referred to as "mad money" or "pocket money." My fiance (we are currently living common-law) actually asked me to give him an 'allowance' and help him to learn how to manage his money better. The answer is there should be a clear balance of spending that both parties will agree on. Obviously there is some money issues, but there are BIGGER underlying issues here. The nice Benz and suits for the office. My guess is, if you talked to her, she would talk about her marriage dissatisfaction and about how she relieves that by shopping. I stopped using the credit card. DO YOU THINK THIS IS FAIR? So yes, little trips to Target add up quickly when you don’t care about what you’re spending. For example, if you have an expensive car, try to get ride of it and buy a used car that more reliable but cheap to maintain and cheap to insure. With the U.S. income tax system, you pay as you go. he takes care of the kids and i work my butt off really hard. The Personal Allowance for the tax year 2020 to 2021 is £12,500. His root problem is that he’s got serious issues that require counseling. He should be driving something paid for or something with a very cheap payment. Obviously you and I disagree on this one, but no worries. Jeff, thanks for your email. My husband didn’t know I did this… but it helped us get caught back up. A month a writing down everything money is spent on. For instance, if she cooks five meals in the week, then I’d give her $100 to spend. I have a student loan, car payments and we do have a little credit card debt. You can pay throughout the year by making quarterly estimated tax payments or by having tax withheld from your paycheck or pension, Social Security or other government payments. Should my wife-to-be want us to pool and then divvy, that’s fine as she gets whatever she wants but the allowance per month better be a couple thousand, not a few hundred. This is serious. Just WOW is my response to this email! By the time Tax Day rolls around, the IRS typically expects you to have paid at least 90% of all the tax you’ll owe for a tax year. On the other hand, maybe he is a little selfish, don’t put enough value in what his wife does or don’t see how the money helps his wife have a healthier emotional state. I am a stay at home mom as well. He’s a USA TODAY columnist, author of ten books, and is the host of the popular radio show and podcast, The Pete the Planner Show. I think that if Jeff loved his job, he wouldn’t be representing his wife’s shopping trips (to Target forgodssakes! My wife has substantial unused allowances, so I contacted my tax office about doing this. I don’t think enough men understand that “staying at home with two kids” is not “watching soap operas all day.” He thinks she doesn’t work? Having seen several situations like this over the years, and having tried several different methods to resolve the issues, my course of action was what I believe to be his best chance of success. This is probably some of the worst one sided advice I have heard. Jeff say that his friends suggested that he give his wife an allowance? Husbands sometimes treat the money as if it was soly theirs. You only have yourself to blame for not being able to go, not your wife or your kid’s medication. Hahaha. He is being seen as a sperm provider and ATM by an indifferent wife who is too good to work and overestimates her value ‘at home’ (not with kids who are in school) with older children who do not need round the clock care. Jeff’s idea of an “allowance” (for himself and his wife) may be an attempt to see the up-side of the $20 he might get to spend on himself at the end of the week if he budgets well. How about the fact that SHE is lucky to hav someone who pays for her, her kids, etc without her having to WORK! One partner worries excessively about how their partner will respond to what is typically considered simple, everyday purchases. But we never can get ahead. What’s a fair price for chores? The problem in my case comes down to simple math. I am offended and it was not even directed to me! Just case he does leave or just in case you wanted to take a mini vacation. I think you got trolled, bro. I love your podcast. I’m just really sad. Allstate Foundation Purple Purse, a nonprofit organization dedicated to preventing domestic abuse through financial empowerment, has identified the main warning signs of financial abuse: Other warning signs include an allowance that shrinks over time, not being a signer on the bank accounts or on the home that you own, and your spouse hiding bank accounts or assets. as mindless consumerism. I never heard him complain about her having meals ready for him each night. I don’t normally comment on these… but I might have something that will help him. It might cost us our marriage…unless you can help. ! I was thinking of paying her a salary of 70K per year and split the bills in half. i was really hoping for more snark, pete. Im not saying that I’m perfect or have never been selfish myself, but they could build monuments to this guys selfishness (House MD reference). Well said. No pressure. Not going to use this as my bench mark, i just want to know what the average is like.Have a decent communication with ur wife concerning ur … And laugh. I was so irate at that moment that it was hard for me to keep my comments to myself and just walk away. Also, for the record, every day I spend chasing after my almost four year old I remember how LESS exhausting going to work is. I’m sure this fella Loves his family and was only typing out of frustration… as he we can all do from time to time. This was done at my request. My college buddies are going on a guy’s weekend, and I can’t even go because the cards are maxed out because of her stupid Target trips. You are absolutely, completely, 100% dead on. It’s not for everyone, just as leaving children with others while one works isn’t for everyone. You were right on point with this guy! My wife doesnt bother to add up what shes spending in a week or day, in spite of trying to get her to stick to a budget it never happens and i feel like i have to constantly babysit her spending. Call it an “allowance” if you will, but both my wife and I get an “allowance” from our income. And if it is fake, still something to be learned. If both are at fault for having wildly out of control spending issues then use them as another case study to demonstrate that even those folks who are “clueless” can be saved. I overheard a guy at work (a previous job, not my current one) once telling another person that his wife couldn’t have any spending money that week because she hadn’t “earned it”. Recognize also that Pete the Planner isn’t anyone else, he’s Pete the Planner. I would guess most of the Target money goes for the house and kids. It's intended for discretionary or … Don’t get me wrong, I love Target…. basically, he wont work. It doesn’t compare at all. Again, thanks for taking the time to comment. The higher-earning spouse, who must be a basic-rate taxpayer, will then receive a tax credit equivalent to the amount of personal allowance that has been transferred to them. Check how much Personal Allowance you'll get. She stays at home. If so, why do so many women seek it so aggressively?? Anyone that would think/write the things that you thought/wrote clearly doesn’t have a strong grip on reality. Go earn your own. The best approach, as I have learned, is to deal with the root problem. You might be eligible for this if: This fact alone is why I am seldom impressed by nice homes, nice cars and nice clothes. Cleaning, cooking, taking care of the house and kids sort of come with the job. When an Allowance Can Help Your Budget . I highly recommend that you seek professional help. My husband and I aren’t where we want to be financially, but we are working toward our goals TOGETHER. I chose to treat the problem, not the symptoms. Everyone has hair brain weeks. That’s why I’m confident that we will continue to improve – because we are working together. That’s okay. My guess is that you will find that your wife doesn’t spend nearly as much as you think she does. Your Personal Allowance is the amount of tax-free income you can earn each year through your earnings or pension. We make no where near 120K a year. I don’t have any financial advice for you at all. Either way it’s very seldom one sided and having a solid action plan about managing finances that both spouses agrees on may, just may, keep the couple out of divorce court. In addition, the advice is so obvious, that I didn’t think it was worth writing. I drove an older, but paid for, Buick Riviera (gorgeous emerald green with every option known to mankind) which my husband kept in perfect condition, and my husband drove a late model Mazda 3. In my professional opinion, although he has significant financial problems, his primary issue has nothing to do with money. Sorry, I’m just venting. Take a week’s vacation. Sharing, and being equal, in a way, is overrated. It’s got to stop. To even bring up paying for a kids medication is an ultimate low, I don’t care how much you’re joking or are mad. It might be a way of saying, "You're terrible with money so I'm going to control how much of mine you get to spend.". I think this guy is nuts. I mostly agree with James. This was just the worst I’ve seen. “If I was doing the buying at our house, we wouldn’t be in the position we are in now.” No, you would be even worse off! What are W-4 allowances? It seems to me this is a cry for help from ol’ Jeff. Time to stop pointing the finger. If I charge a minimal amount of $16.00 per hour for my time then just doing laundry is valued at $504.00 per week. i already pay all the bills. She is a doing job that you would pay more than $1,000 a month for. And your daughter’s piano lessons are a problem too? Let the other guy determine how much money you can put to discretionary spending each month without jeopardizing must-pay bills, then roll with it. I am sure she might be overspending but maybe she’s trying to get his attention or compensate for a lack of respect. Thought provoking and entertaining for sure. We were focused on life insurance and estate planning preparing for that possible scenario and our attorney said to him, “you need to get some life insurance for your wife. You aren’t reading between the lines or trying to help, but simply blasting the guy for the issues he focused on in a “venting” email. Leaving the heavy lifting to your partner if budgeting is n't dollars-and-cents savvy there. N Meridian st. STE 104 Indianapolis, in a way, it ’ s the biggest martyr 120,000, credit... 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